If you are one of the lucky ones who already has a Valentine, then congratulations! However, much like almost everyone else out there, finding the right guy/girl is not always that easy. You follow hundreds of mistakes after mistakes and still end up single.
The rules of this game are so complicated that it keeps on changing every single day.
Business Insider asked nine relationship experts for the signs to look out for when you’re trying to figure out if someone is right for you.
Here’s what they said:
They pass the ‘bar test’: According to Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge, the bar test says if one is with the right person or not. She elaborates, “When you’re at a bar (or restaurant, wherever) with your new partner, are you looking around to see who else is out there or who might see you two together? Or, are you perfectly content with your partner, and you want everyone there to notice you with him/her?” According to her, if the latter is true, then he/she passes the test. But if it’s the former, it might be time to decide whether being in a relationship with this person is your best option.”
They don’t hold you back: Shannon Thomas, therapist says that a person who can authentically be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t feel the need to hold you back. She is also the author of Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse
They don’t want to change you: Tracy Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support says that when one listens to their heart, they feel whether or not the person one is dating is right for them. She says, “When you feel good, feel that your partner is patient and true, treats you the same in public as he/she does at home, then you’re on the right path.”
They fit into your life: “A good sign that someone is right for you is if you can imagine that person fitting in to other parts of your life and not just living in a microcosm of the relationship. Ask yourself: Do they get along with the other people in my life? Do I get along with their friends and family? Do we have mutual interests and things that we enjoy doing together that can be a source of sustainability in a relationship? If the answer is yes, then you may be on the right track,” says Holly Daniels, a doctor who specialises anxiety, co-dependency, and relationship addiction at Sober College
They listen to you: Elinor Greenberg, psychologist says that one of the signs that your date is likely to make a good mate is that the he or she shows genuine interest in your life and listens attentively when you are speaking. They also remember things that you have told them about yourself.
They’re happy when you’re happy: Laura VanderDrift, associate professor of psychology at Syracuse University’s College of Arts and Sciences and director of the Close Relationships Lab at Syracuse University, says that it helps if one is dating someone that whom they want to make happy and who wants to make you happy in return. Couples who each truly place the needs and wants of their partners on par with or above their own seem handle a lifetime of compromising, juggling priorities, and collaborating better than couples who individually pursue their own best interests.”
They comfort you when you’re sad: According to Catenya McHenry, journalist and autho of Married to a Narcissist says that one of the major signs that tells you if the person you’re dating is right for you is how they treat you when you’re sad, crying, having a bad day, or just emotional.
They have boundaries: Perpetua Neo, psychologist says that it is important that people have boundaries. According to her, boundaries are important because it means someone isn’t a pushover, and they can communicate when they are unhappy. A person who gives you that space is the right person for you.
The balance is in their favour: Jonathan Marshall, psychotherapist and executive coach, says that it is important to know if your partner is an effective manipulator. He adds that while people tend to overlook the symptoms in the beginning, it never ends well in the long run. However, keeping one’s intuition and sense of choices alive is very important. However, if he/she gives equal importance to you in their lives or allows you to live your life in your terms, then that is the right person for you.